


Withering Camellias

by sumiya



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Angst, F/F, Genderbending, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 15:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4143597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumiya/pseuds/sumiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yanagi Renge's always run from her problems, especially when they're all her fault. There are no flowers that bloom eternally; they all wither away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Withering Camellias

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arysthaeniru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arysthaeniru/gifts).



> When you best friend asks for fluff, you give her some soul-wreching angst. True friendship. 
> 
>  
> 
> **송지은(SONG JI EUN) - 쳐다보지마**

Yanagi hurried through the empty corridors that lead to the clubhouse. She knew that downright running would result in a prefect stopping her, making her lose valuable time, so she focused in powerwalking. She was tall, so that was to her advantage. Yanagi’s bag was leaden with books but she balanced it perfectly as she looked inside it for her set of keys to open the clubhouse door. The Rilakkuma keychain felt like a stab in her gut and she swallowed hard. Ayaka had given it to her on their first date together. Shaking her head to clear it up, Yanagi opened the door and closed it behind it her.

She sighed and leaned heavily on the door, her breathing uneven. At least, she was safe now.

Tennis practice had been over for two hours now and nobody would bother to come to the clubhouse until the next day. She pulled her phone out and texted her mother that she would arrive late, because she needed to visit the library on her way home.

Yanagi ignored the twenty three missing phone calls from Ayaka and turned the cellphone off.

She had seen Ayaka waiting for her by the school doors. She had seen her too outside the lab and waiting for her after practice had finished. Yanagi had masterfully taken some shortcuts to reach her classroom, and talked to teachers or classmates to make sure she was always with someone and visibly busy. She knew she couldn’t ignore her girlfriend forever, but she was going to try to put it off for as long as possible. 

The thing was that Yanagi wasn’t supposed to have a girlfriend anymore, not when said girlfriend had seen her kissing a boy on the school grounds. She had seen the hurt in Ayaka’s eyes, and the mask of rage that covered it way too soon. She saw the blood dripping from the boy’s forehead as Ayaka swung at him with her racket, full force.

Yanagi had glared at her, called her immature and helped the boy to the infirmary. Ayaka had yelled at her, and pulled at her sweater until Yanagi had snapped at her to go away. A friend of Ayaka’s had come over then, and dragged her away.

That had been two days ago, and Ayaka hadn’t stopped trying to talk to Yanagi since then.

Yanagi walked toward the lockers and sat on the floor. She leaned against the cold metal and brought her knees to her chest, hugging them, letting her long brown hair shield her from the world and closing her eyes.

The boy had been unimportant. She met him in poetry club and caught her attention by reciting ancient Japanese poetry by heart --his voice low and soothing. He was witty and sharp tongued in their conversations, and after Yanagi had let on that she enjoyed his company, he had started flirting.

Yanagi had been surprised, to say in the least. It wasn’t like Yanagi was voicing out loud that she and Ayaka usually made out after tennis practice on the second corridor to the left, towards the labs, but she didn’t quite hide it either. Ayaka loved to cling to her arm in recess and wouldn’t leave her side in the time they could spare to be together. Probably, she should have said something there. That Ayaka wasn’t only the younger friend with an older-sister complex, but her girlfriend. But it had felt nice, being the center of attention to someone outside tennis where Sanada and Yukimura shone with their looks and talents. People loved Seiko’s art and gardening; Gen’s kendo and calligraphy were breathtaking and well-known in the the school. And then there was Yanagi that participated in class, that read more books than her small locker could hold, and that always was on babysitting duty of her younger teammate.

Between the three of them, Yanagi was the only one that got lost in the background.

Still, she couldn’t say she loved the boy, because she _didn’t_. He was convenient to test a mild curiosity of hers, fuelling her shallow vanity. But, for a moment, she was special and wanted. His lips had been rough where Ayaka’s were softer; his hands had been bigger than Ayaka’s and he hold Yanagi’s own, properly and securely. When he circled Yanagi with his arms around her waist, they were sure and strong and for once, Yanagi looked up into the kiss instead of bending down. It had been different and enjoyable. Unconsciously, Yanagi brought a hand to her lips.

“Why are you running away from me?” Yanagi jumped, startled. She looked up, her eyes open wide in surprise. 

Ayaka was looking down at her, sitting on a bench a couple of meters away. 

Yanagi vaguely remembered not locking the door after closing it. Still, Yanagi had been so enthralled by her own wandering thoughts that she had missed Ayaka finding her. Eying the door and then Ayaka, Yanagi decided that she wasn’t ready to deal with this and grabbed her bag, aiming for the door.

Ayaka was not going to have any of that and ran to the door, blocking Yanagi’s way out. The almost desperate look on her face made Yanagi’s eyes sting some more. Ayaka wouldn’t move, not even if Yanagi forcefully shoved her away. Sighing heavily, she dropped her bag and sat on the bench, head low.

“Why are you doing this?” Ayaka asked, not leaving her spot next to the door. “Why? It’s because I beat the bastard? He had it coming! Assaulting you like that, I couldn’t stay with my arms crossed!”

Yanagi stayed silent, unable to say that no, she had been the one that had kissed the other first.

“I couldn’t leave him just like that, senpai! But yes, I understand, you can defend yourself... I won’t interfere again. Promise.”

Yanagi bit down on her lip.

“Come oooon, senpai! You haven’t said a word to me since then! I’m sorry, okay?! Like really really sorry, tell me what I can do to make it up to you? Do you want to go the movies? I can ask Jackie-sempai for some money and...”

The guilt was too much to bear and Yanagi sobbed, quietly. She didn’t deserve Ayaka and her naivetés and her simple solutions to every problem. Ayaka must have heard her, because she was on her knees in front of her in an instant, rubbing Yanagi’s own in a intent of conforting her.

“Please, please, don’t cry. We don’t need to go to the movies, we’ll go anywhere you want. We can go to that café you love so much. Please, please don’t cry. Tell me what I need to do. I’m sorry, really sorry, please forgive me. I---”

Yanagi looked down at her, through the veil her hair made, feeling the gut-wrenching guilt and fear that she had tried so hard to avoid. Of course Ayaka would blame herself for Yanagi’s mistakes. Ayaka was sweet and loved Yanagi so much, up to not wanting to see that Yanagi had been the one that had cheated on her. It wasn’t attention, it was devotion, and Yanagi was scared of how oppressive it felt sometimes. Like this time. Yanagi would have preferred her lashing at her, calling her a slut. But Ayaka wouldn’t do that because she was better than Yanagi, always had been.

Yanagi raised her head and pushed her hair out of the way, placed two fingers over Ayaka’s lips to silence her.

“I was the one that kissed him first, Ayaka,” Yanagi said, her voice firm and not quivering in the slightest. “Because I wanted to. I wanted to kiss him and I did.”

Ayaka stared up at her, looking lost, like if she just had missed a very fast serve.

“I enjoyed it, Ayaka.”

And then, as if the referee had called point, set and match, Ayaka’s face started filling with realization. Yanagi saw Ayaka’s emotions in slow motion from confusion to realization and then to rage. For a moment, Yanagi’s hoped that Ayaka hated her to make this easier but then the rage subsided and was replaced by hurt and pain and Yanagi groaned.

“What did I do? To make you stop loving me?”

Yanagi swallowed, hard. She didn’t have an answer because there was none. Ayaka was Ayaka, and Yanagi had known the way she was, before she had agreed to be her girlfriend. She couldn’t blame Ayaka for being herself, when that had been what had made Yanagi fall for her so hard and so fast. What could you do when the reason you loved someone was the same reason why you didn’t love them anymore?

“It’s not you. It’s me, I want to try new things thing, Akaya. I’m sorry.”

“Is it because I’m a girl? I thought that was okay….but I can bind my chest, if you want. I can cut my hair shorter, too. I’m not a boy, but I can try… sempai…”

Yanagi heard Seiko’s words in his head, clearly.

_It doesn’t bother me that she’s a girl too, Renge. It bothers me that she is too young, too impulsive and too reckless. She probably hasn’t dated anyone before. People are not books that you drop if they are not interesting anymore, Renge. Are you sure about this?_

Yanagi had said yes.

“I don’t love you anymore, Ayaka,” she said with her eyes open, her stare sharp and her voice cold and unyielding.

Yanagi could swear she heard Ayaka’s heart breaking in the silent, cold clubroom. 

She reached forward and placed a hand on Ayaka’s cheek, feeling the warm droplets slide past it as Ayaka started crying silently. Yanagi rubbed soothing circles with her thumb, not knowing what else to do to comfort her. Suddenly, Ayaka reacted and cringed, slapping Yanagi’s hand before pulling away.

“Ayaka…”

The younger girl stood up, grabbed her backpack and slammed the door open. Yanagi didn’t have the strength to watch her leave, so she just listened to the door closing shut again. She laid down on the bench instead, curling in on herself. It was better like this. Ayaka deserved better and Yanagi was free now. Wasn’t that what she had wanted all along? She had gotten rid of a burden she had for years.

Now, she just needed to deal with the emptiness that had threatened to swallow her whole.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) Camellias are supposed to represent everlasting union between lovers (and they may come in a lovely shade of red, too).  
> (2) I'd suggest to listen to SONG JI EUN - 쳐다보지마 or あなたを愛した記憶; (The Memory of Having Loved You), from LILIUM －リリウム 少女純潔歌劇. If you haven't watched that musical yet, please do so. You won't regret it.


End file.
